Good Byes

I think it’s only 5 days until our 6+ hour journey from Wells to Durham in our converted Ford Transit camper. We’ve stocked up on snacks and sticker books. Most of the house is now packed and all the furniture that needs taking apart is cluttering up the lounge.

There is an excitement in the air, the kids know what school they are going to, we’re re-connecting with people we knew 8 years ago and it feels like a bit of an adventure. However, we’ve had to start saying good bye – there’s always a price isn’t there.

Our 8 year old took a gift to school on Friday as he won’t see that particular teacher again. We went to the park today to see a family we have gotten to know. This time last week we were saying good bye to a good friend. It’s not a process I enjoy. Partly because I’m so bad at keeping in touch with people so perhaps it feels more finite than it really needs to be?

I seem to be feeling it more than previous moves. This is potentially due to having learnt to actually feel emotions rather than just think about them since having counselling during lockdown. Loss is one of the big things I’ve had to deal with and I guess saying good bye plays right into a potential area of hurt for me.

I’ve also begun to realise that perhaps I watch so many movies because they help me to work through these emotions. There is something about film that draws something out of me that ‘real life’ doesn’t. A majority of my tears in the last few years, other than the death of my grandmother this summer, have been watching Pixar films. As I reflect on when this happens, It is often around reconciliation and family. The opening sequence of UP is harrowing for any discerning human being but I’m also talking about Coco and the end of Paddington when Aunt Lucy turns up and for some reason, every time I watch Armageddon. Moana made me cry, Frozen 2 made me cry, Inside Out, Toy Story 4 – they all make me cry. And that’s ok, I’ve never been one to sign up to the macho thing. For more on this, check out Forbes.

As I continue to work out what the future holds as a working dad, I’ve been thinking about what I might do with my evenings. I’ve always thought about hospital radio which I’ll follow up on with Durham hospital. I’m also wondering if other guys struggle with emotions and stuff (I know they do) so I’d love to have a ‘fireside’ group that discusses how we can reinvent masculinity.

There is a bunch more I’d love to share today but it’s getting late, the kids aren’t asleep yet and the next episode of His Dark Materials is on…

Until next time.

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